his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My life is pants optional.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize