I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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