i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
