He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
soo... how was my night?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
