yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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