Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
