I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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