If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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