im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
