My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Randomize
