i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
