i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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