apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
