They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
