Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
