Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Let's paint friendship bongs
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
