Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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