enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize