last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
