a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
