put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
