brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
