My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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