In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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