1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
