What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
