You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
