i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
