You really coming over, don't trick.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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