I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
