wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
