we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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