Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
