You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
