She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
