We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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