Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
