Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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