Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
