So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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