If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
