No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
