Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
