Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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