Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
