We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize