Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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