I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
