Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
