OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize