I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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