at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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