I will die if light touches me.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
