just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
These tits shall not be calmed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
