I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
