So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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