Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
