He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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