i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
