he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
