You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
