When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
