I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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