a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
