so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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