this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
