its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There r osticjed everywhere
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize